


Finally, when I look into your eyes my pain fades away

by Tigi



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:40:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27312037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigi/pseuds/Tigi
Relationships: Sandor Clegane & Sansa Stark
Kudos: 1





	Finally, when I look into your eyes my pain fades away

His life was never meant to be easy.  
The second son of a minor lord, the third child.  
But it could have been.....better.  
But then? Why bother thinking about what could have been?

After all that was how he was, and there was no point mourning what wasn't ever going to be.  
He would never be anything more then a guard or a solider.  
He would never be handsome, not even average looking.  
No, he would always look......like a freak.  
Always making people afraid and disgusted.  
He would never be a hero, never a knight in shining armour.  
That wasn't the path he was walking and Sandor just hadn't it in himself to change it.  
Why should he after all? What did people fir him, that they deserved to be treated nice?  
No, he liked it way more, the way it was.

Not that it was so good either.  
The Hound, they called him and he liked it, being named after these dogs.  
After all dogs never betrayed you, only humans did.

But when he first met her?  
For a second he wished he could change......  
Because guys like him, never got woman like her.  
She was still a girl back then......but he knew she would be an astonishing woman.  
Kind, caring, warm.  
Everything he wasn't.  
Everything he longed for.

Some people describe blue eyes as cold, icy and hard.  
When Sandor saw in her eyes he saw nothingh but warmth, passion and softness.

But man like he would never got woman like her.  
The moment he saw the disgust, the fear flicker over her face.............  
Some part of him felt hurt, rejected and misunderstood.  
Logically he had known that it would happen....  
But that never really eased the pain.

The only woman he ever would get where the ones he paid for.  
And even some of those refused his coin.  
Not wanting to look into that face.  
But who could blame them?  
They had a right to refuse him, like ever woman had.

..........

The day he killed the butcher's son was a particular bad day.  
Killing and bringing back that boy....  
Even after having killed so many man and woman he didn't liked killing a child.  
There was always sonethingh about it, that never made it feel right.........

When he found her blue eyes in the crowd he felt guilty, knowing that this must make him look like a monster in her eyes.  
But then?  
He must be one.

.............

Joffrey wasn't a good boy and he wouldn't grow up to be a kind man.  
That he and Sansa were betrothed must be some kind if sick joke........

Still all he saw in Sansa's eyes was admiration and somethingh he thought, must be a crush.  
Seeing her follow him, like a lost puppy made him look away.  
Knowing how bad Joffrey could be....hiw cruel and mean and knowing that she still would akways chose Joffrey over him........it hurt.  
But then Joffrey looked good, blond hair, good looking green eyes.

One day she would find out fir herself Joffrey really could be......hiw far he would go to get what he deserved and that nothingh would stop him.  
Not that you really could blame Joffrey, after all the boy had no good upbringing.  
Always spoilt by his mother and ignored by his father.  
That didn't made Sandor like him trough.

..........

The day her father died.........  
First her eyes were a bright hopeful blue, a littel blue flame of hope, only to be snuffed out, when her father lost his head.  
Somehow sad, but then Sandor couldn't believe how incredibly stupid she must have been, to think that her father would live.

In the following chaos he saved her and for once he felt like a shining knight in armor, saving her from the bad guys.  
But he had to give her up soon enough.  
Had to give her back to Joffrey and his family.  
Not that she really seemed to care at that moment, her blue eyes looked dull and as if they weren't really seeing anything.  
Shock, guessed Sandor.

.............

Seeing her gotten beaten by some of the knigsgurad and Joffrey......it made sonethingh in him want to kill them all, but he didn't.  
Almost ironic thought Sandor, afterall the name of the knigsguard was dragged trough the Mudd, because he was a member of it.  
And yet, he wasn't the worst one in the rows.

Not once he raised his hand to beat her, but neither did he interfere.  
Maybe that was even worse in some way.  
To stand there watching.  
Doing nothingh.  
Even trough he knew how wrong it was, how sick, how much she didn't deserved it.

And then for once he was glad to see the imp, coming and ending this shit.  
Stopping them and saving her, doing what Sandor had been unable to do.  
But even when he put his coat around her, her eyes looked still dull in the world.  
Maybe because she knew now how the world really was.  
How cruel, how sick, how mean.

.................

In the end his own fear drive them apart.  
The fight hadn't started bad and fir a while he fought and everything was fine.  
Or at least as fine, fighting could ever be.  
But then there was fire and Sanfmdir couldn't help, the fear that rose in him.  
As long as he could, he withstood, fighting against it as good as he could.  
But in the end he just couldn't.......  
There was no point in denying how much he feared it......  
All he could think if when he saw the fire was his pain, and the feeling if it when it burned his face.  
If he really tried he could even remember how his burning flesh had smelled.

In the end he just flee, deserted.  
And he knew it was over now.  
What he had done was reason and would be punished his death of he stayed hus head would be counted on a spike soon and he had not the slightested intention to let that happen.

After he felt and got drunk, drying to to drown his fear in alcohol he saw her again.

He made an offer then, for her to flee with him, but she refused.  
And he shouldn't have expected anything else, told Sandor himself, he still didn't liked it trough.

Far a moment there had been a tiny spark of hope in her eyes, but soon was driwn out, after all it was him proposing to flee.....  
And adding to that he was drunk......  
Maybe that was why the tiny spark faded away again and was replaced with the usual dullness and......fear.  
He could see it in her eyes, the fear, when he pressed his knife to her throat and made her sing.  
Later he would hate himself for it, but back then, he could only concentrate on her beautiful voice.  
And gods damn it, she sung Mother's mercy........

Her dark blue eyes, clear and full of fear at that moment would haunt him later while te fled from the Lannisters and others. 

..............

For a short while he met her sister and at first he saw no resemblance at all.  
Only after the fight, with his brothers man he learned her kind side.  
She helped him a while, before she refused him mery and left him to die.

Sandor still couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was somethingh of Arya that remebered him of her sister.  
After the girl left, only his memories of Sansa were left once again.

.............

Time went by.  
Nothingh of it mattered, Sandor didn't knew what to do anymore.  
His guilt haunting him during the day.  
Blue eyes haunting him during the night.

.............

Later, much later he found a reason to get up in the morning again.  
Revenge.

It had always been somethingh he had wanted to do, but now for once it seemed like it was a goal he could reach.

His journey finally stopped when he was falling, down the cliff, only hoping his brother was really dead now.

And while he fall, Sandor couldn't help to remeber her blue eyes.  
The startling blue eyes, so naive, when he first met her.  
So frightened when Joffrey began to reveal his true self to her.  
Her blue eyes, so dull when her father died.  
Only to fill later again with fear and hatred when she married for the first time.  
A littel hope and fear again when he told her age could come with him.

And Sandor finally found peace, while he was falling down.  
Knowing that death was coming now, finally.


End file.
